Sleep-deprived new mothers: You shouldn’t have to explain why you haven’t called or SMS’d anyone, but just in case you’re being hassled, I’ve done the explaining for you.

I’m a new mother to a 3 week old baby and I have realized the most difficult thing about being a new mother is accommodating to everyone else. In addition, trying to articulate yourself with little to no sleep is virtually impossible.

I’ve written this for every other new mother out there to copy and paste a simple link to any family or friends who need a little help understanding why you can’t have them over for several hours, you can’t go for coffee and why a “simple” phone call is not so simple anymore.

Dear loved one,

I have recently taken on the biggest role I’ll ever take on in my life – I’m a new mother and my life has changed instantly and dramatically.

I would love to spend hours chatting with you like I used to; but to put it simply, I’m really tired.

I’m trying my best to keep everyone happy but my baby is my priority. My other main priority is my own comfort and my personal boundaries.

This mama savours a 2 hour window of sleep and unfortunately, a phone call or visit can take that away from me. My priority is my sleep.

This mama is still healing. I literally have to wear an adult diaper for a couple of weeks and depending on how I gave birth, I might struggle to walk for weeks. I want to lie in bed, and not entertain at my dinner table. My priority is healing.

This mama is learning. I am uncomfortable answering how feeding is going because it’s hard, but I’ll probably lie and say it’s great because I don’t want advice. My priority is trying to keep my delicate mind devoid of clutter.

This mama is fragile. I cry easily, I get upset easily and I am not myself. If I want to talk, I’ll find you or I’ll speak with a professional. My priority is my mental health.

This mama has a sore back. My precious 2 hour window while the baby sleeps is perfect for a hot bath. A hot bath is a luxury that I savour. My priority is self care.

This mama is self conscious. I live in pyjamas and I have a new body that I’m getting used to. I need time to become comfortable with my new self before I have people asking me when I’m getting back to my Pilates classes. My priority is giving myself time and gentle care.

This mama has to put on an act anytime someone comes for a visit or wants to Facetime. I know I don’t have to pretend everything is ok but I want to because having hard conversations is too overwhelming right now. It’s easier to say I’m fine, thanks.

When I’m tired, acting like everything is ok makes me even more tired.

When I’m that tired, everything else is amplified. My boobs hurt more, my pelvic floor feels heavier, my head throbs, and I become a miserable caretaker that can’t prioritize my number one; my baby.

I appreciate you wanting to be part of my journey but all I’m asking for is a bit of time to let me breathe. In about 6 months people tend to forget about the new arrival – that might be a better time to check in and see how I am doing.

For now, please just give me space and time, along with understanding my position without judgement or shame. That really is the greatest gift you can offer a new mother.